CHAPTER – IV | TruthArya

CHAPTER-FOUR

FAMILYLIFE

We shall in this chapter, describe Samavarttana, marriage and family life.

‘That man or woman is entitled to enter the family life who has practiced Brahmcharya in accordance with the preceptor’s instructions, has read all the four or three or two or at least one Veda with their auxiliary literature with righteousness and who has chastity.’

-Manusmriti 3//2

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A girl who is not within six generations of the mother and who does not belong to the gotra or family-tree of the father, is a fit person to be married. The reason is as follows:

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The reason for avoiding these families for matrimonial purposes is lest these evils and diseases should creep into the other families too.

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The reform of all reforms is the reform of marriage, that is, marriages should take place only after full education and Brahmcharya.

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The marriage after the age of sixteen up to twenty-four conduces to the reproduction of good children, as at this age, does the male vital fluid gets fully ripened and his body developed and the female reproductive organs are fit for maternity.

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Boys and girls may remain unmarried up to the time of death, but they should not be married to an unsuitable person, that is, one who is of different qualities, different tendencies and different temperament.

Question-Should the marriage business be in the hands of parents or in the hands of boys and girls themselves?

Answer-It is the best to give full liberty to the boy and the girl. Even when the parents contemplate marrying their children they should not do so without the full consent of the children. Marriage with mutual consent is susceptible to the least disruption and conducive to the birth of excellent progeny. Marriage against liking always leads to constant quarrels. It is the bride and the bridegroom that have the chief concern in a marriage and not the mother or the father; it is the marrying couple that enjoys pleasure by mutual love and suffers pain from discord.

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When man and woman wish to marry, there should be compatibility of learning, temper, manners, features, age, health, family and physique. No marriage is happy without this harmony nor is any happiness in the marriage celebrated in the early age.

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This country of Aryavartt has been gradually declining ever since the practice of education with brahmacharya has been abandoned and marriages have taken place in early age under the servile authority of the parents.

Let the marriages take place in the same varnaas or classes and the varn system should be based on merits, profession and temperament.

Question-Is only that person Brahmana or Brahmani (female Brahman) whose parents are Brahmanaas? Can the children of non- Brahmana parents be ever Brahmanaas?

Answer-Yes, they have been, they are and they shall be.

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The Brahmanical character of a body (life) depends upon the following things:

Swaadhyaya or study;
Japaih or thinking, the performances of different kinds of homaas, the reading of all the Vedaas, fully understanding the relation between the word and the object and with proper accents;
Ijyayaa or performance of full-moon yajna et cetra;
Sutaih or child-breeding according to the already given methods;
Mahayajnai, performance of five great daily duties— brahma-yajna, deva-yajna, pitr-yajna, vaishvadeva-yajna and atithi-yajna.
Yajnaih by performing yajnas, for example, agnistoma, association with learned men, good behaviour, truthfulness, doing good to others, good deeds, study of art and craft, avoidance of evil ways and acceptance of noble things.

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Question-What is the proof that you think rightly and we think wrongly?

Answer-The proof is quite evident. You call that practice tradition which has been current for five or seven generations. We call only that practice as tradition which has been current since the very birth of the universe, that is, the Vedaas.

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If the parents or grandparents be bad, their ways should never be adopted.

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Why do you not acknowledge that man as Brahman, who abandons the duties of his Varn and becomes low, or is converted into Islam or Christianity? You have only one answer. The man has left the duties of brahamnaas, therefore, he is not a Brahman. This proves that those born brahamnaas who do good actions are brahamnaas and those low-born also whose merits, profession and temperament are of higher varnas are also of higher varnaas. Similarly, high born persons doing low things should be reckoned in the low varn.

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As the mouth is the most excellent of all the limbs of the body, so those who are the most educated and possess most excellent qualities, professions and temperaments, among the mankind are brahmanas.

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If a man born in a shudra family possesses the merits, actions and temperaments of a brahman, or a kshattriya or a vaishya, he becomes a brahman, kshattriya or a vaishya as the case may be. Similarly, a man born in a brahman, kshattriya or vaishya family should become a shudra, if his merits, actions and temperaments are shudra-like.

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Similarly, by doing unrighteous deeds, a man born in higher classes descends to a lower class for which he is fit and should be regarded as such.

Whatever holds good in case of males is equally true of females.

Thus, it is that the varnas can keep intact their respective purity by adhering to their own merits, profession and temperaments, that is, nobody should live like a kshattriya or a Vaishya or a shudra in the brahman family. The kshattriya, vaishya and shudra varnaas will also maintain their purity in this way.

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These are six duties of a Brahman-study, teaching, performance of yajna, officiating at the performance of yajna, to give charity and to receive charity. But to receive charity is a humbler duty.

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The nine duties of brahmanaas are as follows:

not to entertain even an idea of evil in the mind nor to allow the mind to aberrate.
To restrain the eye, the ear and other senses from unrighteousness and to turn them to righteousness.
To observe the rules of Brahmcharya, to have self-control and to do right deeds.
Purity—External body is purified by water, the mind by righteous conduct, the soul by knowledge and virtue, and intellect by thinking.
Firmness in righteousness and forbearance of dispraise and praise, pleasure and pain, cold and heat, hunger and thirst, loss and gain, respect and disrespect, joys and sorrows.
Mildness, humbleness, simplicity, straightforwardness and abstention from crookedness et ceta.
Capacity to study the vedaas with auxiliary literature, discrimination between truth and untruth-to understand a thing as actually is, that is, to look upon an animate things as animate and inanimate thing as inanimate.
To acquire the knowledge of all things beginning with the earth right up to God and to make a due application of that knowledge.
Never to be indifferent to the Vedaas, God, salvation, transmigration, virtue, learning, good company, service of mother, father, preceptor and distinguished guests.

The following eleven are the qualities and actions (duties) of the kshattriya varn.

Raksana – Judicious government of the subjects, that is, impartial regard of the virtuous and condemnation of the wicked and all round protection of all.
Daan – to spend money and other resources for the propagation of education and piety and in the service of deserving persons.
Ijya – to perform agnihotra et cetra, or to get them performed.
Adhyaayana – to study the Vedaas and other scriptures, and to arrange for their teaching.
Aprasakti – to abstain from sensual indulgence and by means of self-control to keep the body and the spirit strong.
Shaurya – not to be frightened, even if fight has to be singly offered against hundreds and thousands.
Teja – ever to exhibit valiance and never to humble oneself.
Dhriti – perseverance.
Dakshya – cleverness in all affairs pertaining to the rule and the ruled and acquaintance with all the books of law.

(10) Apalayana – to be firm and fearless in battle, never to leave the battlefield, nor to run away; to so fight as to win; if victory be possible through withdrawal of subterfuge, that should be had recourse to.

(11) Ishwarabhava – impartial and due treatment with all; judicious gifts, fulfillment of promises, never to dishonour word.

The qualities and duties of the vaishyaas are given below:

To maintain and multiply the breed of domestic animals such as cow etc.
To spend money et cetra, for the progress of education and piety.
Performance of agnihotra and other yajnas.
Study of the Vedaas and other scriptures.

(5) All kinds of trade.

(6) Kusida or money lending; —- and never to charge, not even in a hundred years more than double of the loan.

(7) Agriculture

The duty of the shudra is as follows:

It is proper for the shudra to abandon such evils as recrimination, jealousy, vanity and to serve the brahmanaas, kshattriyas and the vaishayas with due respect and to earn his bread thereby. This is the only thing required of a shudra.

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When at the disappearance of the menstruation, conception is certain, man and wife should not have intercourse for one year. This care yields a healthy child and the next child is also similarly healthy. If done otherwise, it results into the loss of vital fluid, shortening of the life of both and many diseases. But, they should surely have affectionate dealings in other respects.

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A pregnant woman should studiously avoid purgatives, non-nutritious articles, intoxicants, and those things which are harmful to the body or the intellect. She should take butter, milk, good rice, wheat, green gram etc., according to the climate and weather.

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The room should be well cleaned after delivery and a hom with butter and odiferous substances should be performed there.

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That family man is also like a brahmchaari who is satisfied with his wife only and goes to her at fixed periods only.

Fortune and prosperity attend only on that family wherein the husband is satisfied with the wife and the wife with the husband.

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When the wife is happy, the whole family is happy. When the wife is unhappy, all others are unhappy.

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The family in which ladies are honourably treated produces men of learning. They are called devaas and live a happy life. But, no success attends upon such families wherein ladies are not respected.

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It is proper for good men to tell another man’s failings in his presence and to hear their own defects from others, but only to speak well of a man in his absence. It is customary with bad men to praise a man in his presence and to find fault with him in his absence.

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And, if a man neglects these two morning and evening duties, he should be ostracized from the circle of twice-born—dvij and treated as a shudra.

Question-Why should not the sandhayaa (worship) be done thrice?

Answer-There are no three conjunctions. Light and darkness conjoin only twice i.e. in the evening and in the morning. Anybody, who does not like to accept this line of argument and insists on three sandhayaas may well perform fourth sandhya at midnight too. If he agrees to the midnight prayers, why should he not do so at every hour, every minute, every second, nay every moment? If he be willing to go so far, he will come to absurdities.

Besides, there is no injunction of the midday sandhya in any scriptures. Therefore, it is proper to perform sandhya and agnihotra only twice and not thrice.

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Shraddha is that action whereby truth is acquired and shraaddh is that performance which is done with shradhaa.—-. Tarpan is that action whereby living parents and elders are satiated and made happy.

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Shraaddh and Tarpan are the services rendered to those named above by offering them excellent food, clothes, conveyance or all those things which may keep their minds free from worry and bodies free from diseases.

The fourth daily religious duty is vaishvadeva yajna.

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The fifth daily religious duty is the service of the atithiis. Atithi literally means ‘having no date fixed’. It is a form signifying those peripatetic preachers of religion and spirituality-profoundly learned, well-up in yoga, Sannyaasins-who travel for the good of others and whose visits are uninformed.

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Then they should be respectfully seated and entertained with food and other serviceable articles. This should be followed by satsangaas (association with virtuous persons) or conversation on topics of religion, livelihood, enjoyment and after-life.

—. Householders and royal dignitaries also deserve to be served on special occasions like atithiis.

But the persons possessing the following characteristics should never be tolerated even with sweet words:

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so long as good atithiis are not found in the world, no progress can be made. Their travels in all lands and preaching of truth there, prevent the growth of hypocrisies and house holders all over get an easy opportunity of increasing their knowledge. This is also a mean of religious uniformity of mankind. Doubts cannot be removed without atithiis; firmness of beliefs cannot be achieved without the removal of doubts and where is happiness without firmness of beliefs?

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There are three kinds of Brahmanaas

he, who does not practice brahmcharya, truthfulness et cetra (atpaas literally means the person, who has not undergone the tapas or austerity);
the uneducated and
he, who is excessively fond of collecting charity on religious grounds

drown themselves in the ocean of misery owing to their evil-doings like a stone-made boat afloat in a sea. Not only do they drown themselves, but also take with them those, who give them charity.

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The following are the characteristics of imposters:

Those who do nothing good, but cheat people in the name of religion and piety.
Ever greedy.
Fraudulent.
Who bluff of their own superiority in the presence of ordinary public.
Who do injury to others and are of malicious nature.
Popularity hunters – those who associate with all man, good or bad, indiscriminately.

These above six ought to be regarded cat – natured.

7 Those who always keep their eyes down for the sake of reputation.

8 The vindictive, such as are ready ever to kill a man in return for a slight injury.

9 The unscrupulous – those who serve their ends with all sorts of unfair means – cheating, betrayal of confidence etc.

10 Those who are not open to conviction and cling to their opinions obstinately, however wrong they may be.

11 Those who falsely assume an air of humility, contentment and piety.

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‘It is also a point to be noted that if a man earns money sinfully, it is enjoyed by all the member of his family. But punishment for the sins is dealt out not to the enjoyers but to him alone.’

-Mahaabharta Udyoga chapter 32

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‘Therefore, a man should slowly and steadily accumulate virtue for the welfare of the next life. It is only through virtue that a man can cross successfully the most un-crossable ocean of miseries.’

-Manusmriti IV-242

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A pandit (learned man) is he, who knows himself; who is never idle; who is not affected by pleasure, pain, loss, benefit, respect, disrespect, dispraise and praise; who is constant in virtue and whose mind is never ensnared by temptations.

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The signs of pandit are these—who at once grasps a difficult subject; who has studied, heard and pondered over the scriptures for a long time; who applies his knowledge to the welfare of others; who does nothing for his selfish purpose and who never gives his opinion uninvited or on wrong occasions. Such a person should be recognized as a pandit.

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The wise man call him fool who has read or heard no scriptures; who is extremely vain; who makes big projects without any means; who desires to get a thing without making an effort for it.

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How can a pleasure-seeker acquire learning and how can a student afford to be a pleasure-seeker? A pleasure-seeker should give up the idea of learning and a student should not allow a desire for pleasure come in his mind.

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Among the four varnaas, there should be mutual affection, regard for one another’s good, happy relations, and fellow-feeling on occasions of enjoyment, sorrow, profit and loss.

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Question-What is the harm in a re-marriage?

Answer-(1) Decrease of love between husband and wife. They can desert each other at their sweet will and marry another person.

(2) When the husband or wife after the death of the wife or the husband marries another person, he or she might pilfer away the belongings of the former wife or husband and thus occasions disputes between the families.

(3) Several good families might become extinct and their possessions be scattered.

(4) Violation of the vows of husband-hood and wife-hood. It is for these reasons that remarriage or polygamy is disallowed among the twice-born.

Question-The absence of issues will also lead to the extinction of family. And, the man or the woman is likely to fall into evil ways of adultery, abortion etc. Therefore, remarriages should be allowed.

Answer-No, no. If the woman or the man wishes to lead a chaste life of brahmacharya, there will be nothing amiss. The house can continue by the adoption of a son from among the relatives. Adultery is out of question in that case. But if they find themselves incapable of keeping control over their sexual appetites, they can pro-create children by means of niyog.

Question-What is the distinction between a re-marriage and a niyog?

Answer-(1) In marriage, the woman leaves her father’s home and goes to the home of her husband, having no special connection with the father’s family, but in the case of nioyog the widowed woman remains in the house of the deceased husband.

(2) In the case of marriage, the children born of the woman belong to the married husband and inherit his property. In the case of niyog, the children born of the woman neither are called the children of the begetter, nor belong to his family, nor has he any claim over them. They are called the children of the dead husband, they belong to his family, they inherit his property and live in his house.

(3) In case of marriage, mutual service and support are among the duties of the married husband and wife, in case of niyog, there are no such responsibilities.

(4) The relation between the married couples last till death. But in case of niyog, the relation ceases after the action.

(5) The married couple remains engaged all their life in building up their joint home.

But in case of niyog, the man and the women keep on their respective homes.

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Question-This talk of niyog seems like adultery.

Answer-Adultery is the connection (of males and females) without marriage. Similarly, connection without niyog is also adultery. This proves that just a lawful wedlock is no adultery; likewise lawful niyog is also no adultery. Just as a maiden belonging to one family and bachelor belonging to a quite different family when joined by lawful marriage do not feel shame or sin in sexual intercourse, in the same way, the niyog as permitted by the Vedaas should not be looked upon as adultery, sin or a shameful deed.

Question-It is all right. But, still it sounds like prostitution.

Answer-Certainly not. In prostitution there is no definiteness as regards the man or rules; but niyog has rules like those of marriage. Just as in case of marriage, nobody feels ashamed in giving away his daughter to another man or in entering into sexual intercourse, the same thing should hold good in case of niyog, too. Those given to adultery have no scruples even after marriage.

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Question-Where is the necessity of a male’s performing niyog? He can re-marry.

Answer-We have already explained that the Vedaas and other Vedic scriptures allow the twice-born to marry only once and not twice. Justice demands that a bachelor should marry a virgin. Marriage between a bachelor and a widow or a virgin and a widower is unjust and bad. Just as no bachelor wants to marry a widow, similarly no virgin will like to marry a man who was married once and has had sexual intercourse with another woman. When no bachelor will like to marry a widow and no virgin to marry a widower, then widows and widowers will feel the necessity of niyog. It is, but just that the like must meet the like.

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If there be a virgin widow, she can be married to the younger brother of the dead husband.

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Question-Is niyog valid only after death, or in the lifetime of the husband also?

Answer-In the lifetime also.

Anyaamicchasva subhage patim mat. (Rigveda 10-10-10)

If the husband be incapable of begetting children, he should permit his wife in these words: – “O luck-desiring, thou, seek mate other than myself as now, I am unfit to beget children.” On this, the woman may enter into niyog and bear children; but should all along remain in the service of her married husband. Likewise, if the wife happens to contract some disease and find herself unfit to bear children, should also address the husband thus. “O my husband, now give up the expectation of issues from me, and beget children in some widow by the rites of niyog.”

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Similarly, if the husband is intolerably cruel, it is proper for the wife to desert him, have a niyog and bear children as heirs to the married husband’s property.

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It behoves a man and woman to take a carful note that their generative elements are most precious. They are the most foolish who waste them by entering into sexual intercourse with another’s wife or a prostitute or with another’s husband. No farmer or gardener is so foolish as to sow his seed in a farm or garden other that of his own. When such precaution is taken even by a simple man in the case of an ordinary seed, he is surely the most foolish who sows in an improper field, the seed of such an excellent tree as the body of man; as it will yield him no fruit thereof.

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Question-Why marry at all? Is it not putting oneself in a needless restraint and to a great trouble? Why should not a man and a woman live together as long as they can do so with affection and desert each other when love ceases?

Answer-This is the way of beasts and birds, not of men. If there be no marriage system among men, all the beautiful things pertaining to family life would be topsy-turvy. Nobody would serve anybody, adultery would increase and people would die soon on account of diseases and lack of strength. Fear and shame would desert mankind. The aged would be neglected. Growth of adultery, diseases, feebleness and premature mortality would make an end of families after families. There would be no proprietorship or inheritance and nobody would keep a thing in his possession for a long duration. Considering all these disadvantages, the institution of marriage is the best thing.

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Just as rivers and rivulets wander hither and thither without any settlement, until they reach the ocean, similarly the house-holder’s life is the basis of all other ashramaas. They cannot do their proper work without the support of the householders. —-. The householder’s duties cannot be performed by weaklings and cowards. Therefore, competency has to be attained to enter the house-holder’s life.

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